


It's Hard to Find the Calm

by summerwines



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Future Fic, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV Multiple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 23:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2001297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerwines/pseuds/summerwines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's late when their friends learn that their relationship had gone sour. Everyone believes that sooner or later, they will find each other again.</p><p>(Or: How Kei and Tadashi break apart, and come back together)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Hard to Find the Calm

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be written for TsukiYama Week, but I didn't finish in time. Still, it's done! So I hope you all enjoy my 5k+ words of angst and sap.

**{** **}** For Hinata, it is undeniable fact that wherever Tsukishima is, Yamaguchi will follow. Years have passed, and it probably still is the case.

“Tobio, Yachi, wanna bet?”

Across from Hinata, Kageyama raises an eyebrow. Yachi, who's beside Hinata, stares intently. Today they are having drinks at an outdoor food strip by the bay, the sound of laugher and drunkenness filling the air. Hinata invited all of the volleyball club members who graduated the same year. He's actually roommates with Kageyama, now. Yachi, on the other hand, is finishing graduate school, also here at Tokyo.

“What's the bet?” says Kageyama.

“That Kei and Tadashi are coming here together. Let's bet on that.”

“I don't know about this, Shouyou-chan. Can't we just leave them be?"

Hinata licks his lips. He gulps down the beer in his hands. “Yeah, but.” He smiles. “We all haven't heard much from them, right? I mean, they went to undergard at the same college, blah blah blah, but after that, we didn't hear much, did we?”

Yachi purses her lips. “Are you betting that Kei and Tadashi are coming here together, while banking on the possibility that they won't be?”

“Hnnn, that sentence is very confusing, Yachi.”

Kageyama chuckles. “I bet that they aren't. 100 yen.”

“I bet—” Yachi hesistates, but then, “I bet that they aren't.” She shrinks, then, and bites her lip.

“It's settled then! If you guys win, you get one hundred each. If I win, it's _two_ hundred for me.”

Kageyama and Yachi say _yes_ in unison. Yachi asks how he contacted the two of them in the first place. Hinata explains that he emailed them separately, and they replied separately, without mention of the other. “Which was weird, I thought, at least for Tadashi.”

All hum, eyes closing in thought. Surely, this is something Hinata misses: silly bets, games with friends, a light atmosphere. Their training with the national team is always very intense, and serious, and nerve-wracking. After all, the Asian Games are nearing. As always, Kageyama is calm and ever ready for whatever comes. Hinata gets jitters, and his heart pumps with the thought of getting to play for that big a tournament. Hinata drinks more beer, and he eats the ebi-tempura. One thing he's learned from Tsukishima Kei, former captain of the rising crows: Sometimes, it helps to chill, and not to care at all, even for just a while.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are very, very late. Hinata thinks, if they're both late, then they must be coming together. More money for him.

“I have a good feeling about tonight,” Hinata says, big-toothed, gulping down his third bottle.

“You should take it easy Shouyou-chan. You might throw up all over the place.” This Yachi says, worriedly, even though she's also at her third bottle. Her cheeks have a light tint of red on them.

“He can be drunk if he wants to,” says Kageyama, leaning back with arms crossed. He hasn't finished his first bottle, seems like he's taking it easy. “You've had a rough couple weeks, haven't you, Shouyou?”

Hinata frowns and narrows his eyes. “Shuddup, Tobio.”

Yachi giggles to this. She perks up even more when running feet and a distant voice becomes discernible. She turns and, “Oh, I'm so sorrry Shouyou-chan.”

“What—Why—”

“Tadashi's here,” says Kageyama.

“T—Tadashi?” Hinata turns, and his jaw drops. Yamaguchi runs towards them from the bay walk. He waves, coat also waving along.

“Yo!” he goes, smile bright.

Tsukishima must be right behind him. Tsukishima could have just stopped somewhere to buy something. Hinata cannot accept this. Tsukishima should be here, with Yamaguchi.

Hinata stands.

Yachi, in the nick of time, grabs Hinata's arm and makes him sit.

Yamaguchi's mouth quirks in confusion. Hinata forces a smile on his face, while Yachi manages to avert the attention by giving Yamaguchi a giant hug. Immediately, she drags him to the one of the food stands. Hinata grumbles under his breath.

“Do not,” says Kageyama.

When Yamaguchi and Yachi return, they're already talking about things they missed in each other's lives for the past few years. She tells him about her graduate studies in Education. Meanwhile, Yamaguchi says he's been hard at work, “Basically, I do researchat an observatory.”

“Observatory?” says Kageyama, suddenly interested. “So are you—Going to space? Like an astronaut?”

Yamaguchi sighs. “No, that's not it at all. I only do research. Here on land. I work with a lot of—machinery.”

“Yeah, yeah, yipee. Tadashi-kun's a science a person.” Hinata waves dismissive hands. He stands up, beer bottle in hand. “What I do not understand, Tadashi, is why Kei isn't with you.”

Yamaguchi is taken aback. “Oh, so Tsukki's late? Well, I—I don't know what could've happened.”

“So you know where he is? Do you live together?” says Hinata.

“Maybe we could just leave it alone,” says Yachi.

Yamaguchi signals no by waving his hands. “No, the truth is—”

“You're neighbors?”

“No, Shouyou, what I'm trying to say is—”

“He's at work and he told you to tell us why he's late?”

“Shouyou, please listen. I wouldn't know where Tsukki is, okay?” Yamaguchi frowns. “Stop making it seem as if—as if we function as a unit.”

Hinata sits, still frowns.

“You're drunk, Shouyou,” says Kageyama. “I suggest you stop talking.”

“No. It's okay,” says Yamaguchi. “What's this all about, anyway? I've been here for barely half an hour and Shouyou's already getting riled up.”

Hinata covers his face with his hands. “Hnnnn. I bet 100 yen that you and Kei would come here together.”

“Huh?”

“Technically, it's 200 yen,” says Yachi. “One hundred for me, one hundred for Tobio-kun.”

“I—I still don't get it.”

Behind his hands, Hinata says, “It is undeniable fact that wherever Tsukishima is, Yamaguchi will follow.”

Yamaguchi turns quiet as soon as Hinata says this. Hinata calms himself down. He feels the beer messing up his system. He should stop, he thinks, before he gets unforgivably drunk.

When Hinata takes his hands from his face, he sees Yamaguchi's frown. Kageyama and Yachi are stiff, and silent.

It's Yamaguchi who speaksfirst, “I don't want to talk about Tsukki.”

The silence stretches.Hinata can't help it: From the six pack of beers Yachi bought, he takes another one.

“He said he was coming, you know,” Hinata says, after a gulp. “But I don't think he's telling the truth.”

“Did you email him again?” says Yachi. She glances at Yamaguchi, and then back at Hinata. Yamaguchi stares at her, jaw hardening.

“I did,” says Hinata.

“Probably better that he doesn't come,” says Yamaguchi. “He'd just ruin everything.”

On the contrary, Hinata feels like he already mucked things up himself. No Tsukishima needed.

Yamaguchi shuts his eyes and shoots up his hands. “Okay,” he goes. “Let's not ruin the night, yeah? Shouyou, Tobio, you're playing for the national team now, right?”

Hinata nods, and musters up his energy. “That's right!” he says. “They're letting us play at the Asian Games.”

“No big deal” says Kageyama.

Yamaguchi smiles some, his gaze fixed on Kageyama, “You don't have to be modest.” Somehow, it doesn't seem sincere. Hinata feels the sadness in his lack of dimples.

A few minutes later, Hinata's phone rings. He checks and sees the text from Tsukishima.

_Sorry, I don't think I can come anymore. Exam tomorrow. Barely studied yet._

Hianta looks at Yamaguchi, who closes his eyes. “Let me guess.” He swallows. “He's not coming?”

Kageyama and Yachi bow their heads. Hinata opens his mouth, hesitates, then says, “What does he do again?”

“Med school,” says Yamaguchi.

“Like Sugawara-sempai!”

“Oh—Yeah, I guess.”

Early in high school, Hinata thought that this was bound to happen: that Yamaguchi would get angry at Tsukishima someday, and they'd stop talking altogether. He remembers a time when it did seem like they were growing apart during one of their training camps. He doesn't know what happened after that. There was a calmness that grew between them. Tsukishima changed for the better. He practiced harder, and got more serious. His spikes become stronger, more calculated. He and Yamaguchi often did extra practice after hours. Hinata could only assume that those practices involved deep, insightful talk. There was this thing they did whenever they had a match. In their second year, when Tanaka was captain, when he'd give the team pep talk before matches, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi would look at each other, smile, nod, and give each other high fives.

Hinata also wonders how in the world Tsukishima was goaded into expressing desire to vie for captain. Hinata's positive that Yamaguchi had something to do with it.

They are silent for sometime, until Kageyama pats Yamaguchi on the back. “Buck up,” he says.

“Ah—Yeah.”

“Yeah! Buck up, Tadashi!” says Hinata, smiling brightly. He raises his bottle. “Let's have more drinks! Yachi's paying!”

“But—There's still some left.”

Hinata flashes his teeth.

“Well—Fine, I'll—” Yachi sighs. “Fine.”

Yamaguchi and Hinata laugh. Soon, they are talking again. Yamaguchi tells them a story about a friend he has at work, who reminds him so much of Tanaka: Intimidating, yet sensitive. A major hoot, all in all. This co-worker barely has courage to talk in front of their female superior, much like Tanaka as well. Yachi tells of her woes while still at school: professors who make her nervous, the living expenses she can barely keep up with. Hinata and Kageyama, meanwhile, live a happy life together, playing volleyball together, sleeping on the same bed.

Hinata eyes Yamaguchi every now and then. He checks for the hint of sadness in his laugh and smile. He sees Yamaguchi turn away every minute or two, to eat, to prop his head up on his hand. Hinata wants to ask him what exactly happened. Why aren't they talking? How long has this been going on? It hurts Hinata's heart a little, that he knows so little about his friends now. It's a bullet to his heart that even the closest of friends, like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, could grow apart just like that.

 

 **{** **}** Suga's work a the hospital takes up most of his time. Ever since med school and now as a resident doctor, he's been suffering a lack of social life. But on his part, there are no complaints, because this is the path he's chosen, so what right does he have?

It's the night shift. Outside, there's a storm brewing, but it's business as usual at the hospital. Suga does his rounds and fills in for doctors who couldn't make it. Most patients are asleep. Some need a bit of comforting from the wind and the rain, especially the children. Suga is always ready to sit down with them and talk.

It's 3 AM when he finishes. He heads for the break room, where he makes himself a cup of coffee. He leaves with a paper cup and decides to roam the hallways again, even though he's done with the room-to-room.

By the door to one of the private rooms, Suga notices a familiar face. His clothes are wrinkled scrubs, and his hair is bright. Suga can tell it's his old teammate from the glasses and his stoic expression. It's weird, though, because Tsukishima's hands are by his stomach, clutching his shirt. Everything else about him is familiar, but the hands are different. There's nervousness there. Suga tilts his head to the side, wonders.

“Tsukishima?”

He turns, abruptly. At first, he keeps the blank face, but then his eyes widen.

“S—Sugawara-s—sempai.”

Suga smiles. “You're looking well.”

He nods. “You too, Suga-sempai.”

“Now what are you standing here for?”

Tsukishima becomes alert at the question. He turns back to the room, looking beyond the room's window. Suga sees a person with life support attached to them. He can't tell if they're a man or a woman. A good part of their head is bandaged, one eye, everything above the forehead.

“Do you know this patient?”

“Yes,” says Tsukishima. “Kind of. We had a class together. First year of med school.”

“Oh.” Suga looks at the person again, and he drinks some of his coffee. “What's this person's name?”

“Sawamura. Sawamura Shinichi. A man.”

“Sawamura...Like Daichi?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened to him?”

“Car crash. I don't think he's gonna wake up. The family's talking about taking off the life support.”

“Rough.”

“Yeah.”

“He must've been a nice person.”

Tsukishima gives Suga a look, as if Suga's read his mind.

“How could you tell?”

“Because of the way you were standing there, looking scared. Probably thinking—Ah, life is so fragile. Why must the good die young?” Suga offers his most thoughtful smile. “I've been there, you know. You never get used to it.”

Tsukishima shakes his head. “And I don't want to get used to it.”

At this, Suga sighs, and their conversation takes a pause. He wants to talk to Tsukishima elsewhere, where they can actually sit down and get into things.

“You wanna grab something to eat at the break room?”

“No, I'd rather stay.”

“Well.” Suga goes to lean back on the wall, and finishes up his coffee. “We can always talk here.”

So many questions rush through Suga's head. He asks Tsukishima all of it, their voices soft so as not to disturb the sleeping patients. _How are you, are you working here, why haven't_ _I_ _seen you anywhere, how's Hinata, Kageyama, Yamaguchi, everyone else_. Tsukishima answers it all, also leans back against the wall.

“I've been doing fine, thanks.” Tsukishima can't look him in the eye. “I'm interning here. I've—seen you around.”

“And you never called for me?” Sugawara puffs up his cheeks. “Mean.”

“Sorry.” Tsukishima chuckles. “Never seemed like the right time.” He rubs his arm.

Suga pokes Tsukishima's cheeks, smiles, and elicits shock on Tsukishima's face. “You haven't answered my other question yet. How's everyone doing?”

Tsukishima shifts, and looks ahead. “I don't know. I haven't been keeping in touch.”

Suga furrows his eyebrows. “Hm,” he goes. “You haven't? Really?”

“Was supposed to have drinks with them a few months ago, but—I bailed.”

“Why?”

“Told them I had an exam, though the truth is, I just didn't feel like it.”

“Bailing on your teammates.” Suga puts his hands on his hips. “Not a very good captain, are you?”

Tsukishima turns to him, cheeks turning red. “I—You knew? I—“ He looks down. “Well of course you knew. I was captain, yes. No big deal. It was fun, then, but that's the past. I'm not gonna be hung-up on high school forever.”

“I'm not saying you should be.”

“And I'm not.”

“What about Yamaguchi, though? Weren't you close?”

Tsukishima bites his lip. “We don't talk anymore.”

“You're kidding.”

“No, I'm not.”

“What happened?”

“We were seeing less and less of each other every day because of school, and work.”

“That's it?”

“No. It's just—Every time we're with each other, it's either we sleep, or we argue.”

“Argue about what?” Suga can't imagine what it'd be like to argue with Yamaguchi.

“You know, I can't remember, honestly. Little things, I guess. Like leaving pee on the toilet seat, or whose turn it is to cook dinner.”

The last part confirms something Suga suspected: that Tsukishima and Yamaguchi lived together. The crease on Tsukishima's forehead also makes Suga suspect something else: that this probably isn't just a quarrel between friends. By the looks of it, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were in a relationship.

Suga pouts, concerned. “Are you sure that was all?”

Tsukishima shakes his head. “Last few weeks we lived together, we barely talked. I think—We were coming to a point where we'd had enough. He just told me, one day, that he wanted to move out.” He closes his eyes. “He said he's had enough and he's tired and he wants to leave. We were eating. And, he just told me. I fought with him about it. But it's like he made up his mind.”

“That doesn't sound like Yamaguchi.”

“He and I have changed a lot, since high school.”

“Hasn't everyone?” Suga wills himself to smile, and give comfort. “Me, for one.”

“You don't look like you've changed.”

“Nor do you.”

Suga knows in himself that he has in fact changed. Sure, he's kept some old friends, like Daichi, who remains a phonecall away. But unlike before, he has lives in his hands. Almost two years in the job, and he's already found himselif putting on more smiles than he's ever had to.

Jaw tight, Tsukishima raises his head and closes his eyes. Suga notices his cheekbones have become more defined since he last saw him.

“Are you sure you don't want a cup of coffee?”

“Actually.” He breathes out. “Coffee sounds good.”

“Great,” Suga says, smiling.

When they leave, Tsukishima takes one more glance at Sawamura Shinichi. He clutches his shirt again. Suga tells him, “There's nothing we can do, at this point.”

The halls are quiet, except for the tapping of a few shoes, nurses and doctors. There's a radio on somewhere, and it's telling them that the storm is only about to get stronger. The winds are coming. It tells Suga that he's going to be in here for a while longer.

A realization comes to him when they reach the door to the break room.

“Weren't the interns sent home a while ago? Because of the storm?.”

“I didn't want to go home,” says Tsukishima.

“Why not?”

“To be frank—” Tsukishima adjusts his glasses. “It's lonely.”

To this, Suga has no reply. He only stares.

It is truly amazing how much people can change in a span of a few years. Tsukishima hasn't only grown taller; not only his cheekbones were filled out. He's grown vulnerable. He's matured. Suga wants to pinch his cheeks. In part, Tsukishima probably owes his maturity to the hospital, much like Suga himself. In part, Suga guesses he probably owes much to Yamaguchi as well, after all that time they had together. It's a shame, for sure, that Yamaguchi doesn't know this, doesn't know how much he is dearly missed by his closest friend.

 

 **{ }** Out of everyone they know, they only choose to tell a single person. She had to keep her mouth shut for a good half of high school. She thought all was over, but after drinks by the bay, and a phonecall months later, it starts to feel like she's back in high school.

Yachi is the only who knows. Yachi knows that Tsukishima was the one who confessed, one day during their second year, when they were leaving school early and the sunset was coming upon them. She knows that Yamaguchi cried. She knows this because she was there, running to give Tsukishima a book he forgot.

She was informed of the very first day they kissed, because Yamaguchi blabbered. She was also informed of the first day they had sex, much to her chagrin. “Hitoka—What do I do? What do I do, what do I do,” said Yamaguchi, face flushed red the day after, and Yachi didn't know what to say to him. She blushed, and she thought: What should he do? What else is there to do? What kind of question was that anyway? Why is he asking for my opinion? This is too much pressure.

After high school, the constant feeding of information stopped, as she took her undergrad in a local college while both Yamaguchi and Tsukishima entered colleges in Tokyo. What she did know was that the two of them lived together in a small apartment, happily so, or at least she thought that was the case.

It's five months after their night of drinks that Yamaguchi comes over to her apartment and gushes.

“I talked to him.” His lips tremble. He called before coming here, voice urgent. Yachi had a feeling it was because of Tsukishima.

They end up eating ice cream on her couch, a pint of cookies and cream for her, and chocolate for Yamaguchi. She listens carefully to what Yamaguchi has to say. Apparently, he and Tsukishima had been sending texts to each other for a month. Tsukishima had decided, one day, to ask, “How are you?” through a text, and the rest was history. They were at it again, asking each other every single day how everything is going with the internship, with work.

“Then he said he wanted to meet with me!”

“And you did?”

“Of course I did! How could I refuse him?”

Truly, they were at it again.

Yamaguchi continues his story: He and Tsukishima met with each other at the park close to Tsukishima's apartment, the one they used to share. They sat on the bench hidden behind a line of trees where they used to, “Well, kiss—and stuff.” Yachi notices the hesitation on Yamaguchi's mouth and the strain in his voice whenever he has to say, “used to, used to, used to.”

“He told me—Yamaguchi, can we stop this, could we at least be friends, I apologize for being a shit.”

“So—You accepted?”

“I was going to.” Yamaguchi takes a bunch of his hair and covers half his face with it. “But I couldn't, not right away, not after everything.”

Yachi puts a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, wonders, “May I ask what exactly happened between you two?”

“I got tired.” He pauses, breathes, and then, “I got tired of arguing every single day.” He shakes his head. “I was turning into someone I wasn't, Yachi.”

“What did you fight about?”

“About everything! I get home from work and he gets home from school, we're so tired, and we fight. About the bed being too cramped, about the food I cook tasting too dry. And I stepped on his glasses once, not on purpose, but he was so gung-ho about it, Yachi. It never ended.”

“Well—” Yachi plops more ice cream into her mouth. “It seems to me that time apart was what you needed?”

“That's what I thought. I didn't actually want to break up, Yachi. At first, at least. Though I did say I wanted to move out, you know, to try and live on my own. We were having dinner one day, and I decided to tell him that.”

“What did he tell you, after that?”

“That he didn't want me to leave. He cursed at me, and—he yelled. I said it was typical, all that yelling, and I wanted it to stop.”

Yachi sighs. “Thus, the break up?”

“Yes.”

“So—You think he hasn't learned his lesson?”

“I honestly don't know. But, Yachi—he—he—”

_Oh no._

“He kissed me!”

_Ah._

“How—” Expected? “How awful of him,” she decides to say, because no matter how expected it is, it could never be a-okay.

“I made out with him a bit, you know, because, I dunno why—It's Tsukki, and I missed kissing him.” Yamaguchi sticks his spoon repeatedly into the pint of ice cream. He raises his hand and brushes his fingers on his neck. “He sucked my neck a bit too. But I ran...afterwards. Without a word.”

Yachi can tell that Yamaguchi's about to cry. To stop it, she pats Yamaguchi on the head, and she gives his shoulder a squeeze.

“Yachi?”

“Yes?”

“Would you have any drinks around here?”

“I—Well—” She doesn't want to say that she does, because she doesn't want to get tipsy on a school night. But Yamaguchi looks too much like a lost puppy for her to refuse him.

And, of course, drinks never lead to anything smart. Yamaguchi suggests: “I'll call him, once. For closure! I'll tell him straight! No one messes with Yamaguchi Tadashi, not even you, you cute piece of shit. Yeah, that's it.”

“Go go!” Yachi beams, and pumps her arms, flushed and intoxicated.

He gets his phone from his pocket and calls.

“Tsukkiii, is that you? Are you there?” Yamaguchi laughs. “You sound sexy as ever, Tsukki. I love your voice. Anyway, anyway. No, shut up. I wanted to tell you—Shut up. I wanted to tell you, Tsukki, that I—” Yamaguchi hiccups, and swallows.

“That I—” He breathes; lips tremble.

“That I, um.” He hiccups.

“That I miss you a lot.” He puts an arm over his eyes. “Tsukki, I miss you.” He starts to cry a grand amount of tears.

“ _Nooo_ ,” Yachi goes, but Yamaguchi takes no notice of her.

“I miss you so much, Tsukki. Can we please talk again? Like you said, yesterday. Please? Tsukki, please.” Yamaguchi then goes quiet for a while, sniffling. He's listening to Tsukishima speak. His lips start to quiver again, and he opens his mouth, “I love you too, Tsukki.”

Yamaguchi cries more and more.

Yachi can only sit, and stare, and drink more of the expensive sake her mother bought her.

“You can come over. Yachi's letting me stay for the night.”

“What?”

“I'll give you the address. I'll text it to you. Come over, Tsukki, okay? Yes?”

_Oh, god._

“Love you, Tsukki.” He sniffles. “Hang up now? You first, Tsukki. Ah, no, I don't want to. I—Okay. Sorry, Tsukki. I love you.”

He hangs up the phone.

“Sorry, Yachi, I just had to.” His eyes are red.

Yachi frowns, and sighs, and drinks again. She thinks she might have to call Hinata later, to find someone to share her annoyance with.

“Please don't have sex here, Tadashi-chan. Promise me, please?”

Yamaguchi flushes, and he becomes alert. “Y-Y-Yes!” he stammers.

Yachi stands up, and massages her temples. “I hope you know what you're doing.” She takes the bottle with her and heads for her room.

“I promise, Yachi. I do,” Yamaguchi says, with yet another sniffle.

In her room, Yachi looks for her giant headphones, so she could wear them to sleep. She takes the big comforter and buries herself in it. Under no circumstances is she listening to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima suck face, because, really, it's disgusting, no matter how romantic it's supposed to be.

Indeed, she hears it later. She hears a tiny whimper, “Tsukki, I missed you.” And Yachi bushes wildly. To block it out, she pads her phone, increases the music's volume to the maximum.

 

 **{** **}** “Are we gonna make this work?”

“We will. I promise.”

“So do I. I promise, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima was panting by the door a while ago, wearing a white t-shirt and baggy denim shorts. “Hello,” they both went. “Hi,” they both said. Tsukishima blushed, while Yamaguchi smiled. Both of them tried their best not to cry.

Before this, Yamaguchi tried his best to sober up with coffee. He'd then gone to the bathroom. He used his finger to rub Yachi's fruity toothpaste inside his mouth. He tried to flatten his sweater with his hands. With Yachi's permission, he put on a tiny bit of strawberry-scented perfume. While this was going on, Tsukishima walked as briskly as he could, to the subway station, to the address Yamaguchi gave. He bumped a few people, stepped on ice cream fallen on the sidewalk, accidentally stumbled on a cat. He'd never in his life said “sorry” as much as he had today.

Before this, a day ago to be exact, they had met at the park, and they talked quietly, first about work, the internship, and Yamaguchi's plan to go to grad school; next about the gathering Tsukishima failed to go to. Tsukishima proceeded to gush. “I'm fucking tired of not talking to you,” he said, though he thought that wasn't able to capture what he truly meant: _Life went on, yeah_. _But it's so much_ _better, much less lonelie_ _r_ _when you're with me_. _Life's way too short for me to waste it being sad._ “But we were awful to each other, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, avoiding Tsukishima's eyes as much as possible. Tsukishima clenched his fists. Yamaguchi covered his face with his hands. Tsukishima grabbed those hands, and took them away. Because he wanted to kiss Yamaguchi so badly. They kissed, and Tsukishima felt his mouth quiver. Yamaguchi stared at him. He wanted to cry, but he tried his hardest not to show it on his face. He kissed back, instead. And then, he let Tsukishima kiss his neck. And then, he pushed Tsukishima away. “I can't, I just can't.”

When they were together and happy seems like such a long time ago. Though right now, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima have a feeling that they're somehow finding their happiness again.

Once Tsukishima's inside, Yamaguchi lets him toe out of his shoes before he takes hold of his hand, tugs Tsukishima, “Couch, please?”

They don't waste time getting their tongues down each other's throats. Yamaguchi tries his best not to moan; Tsukishima tries his best to get something out of him. They are both down to shirts and boxers. Neither can think of a reason why anyone would choose to give this up.

They make sure not to go any further, though Tsukishima whispers, voice soft and husky, while thinking Yamaguchi's never looked any hotter, more raw than he does now: “I want to be in you.”

A blush overcomes his cheeks, “Well, shit.” And a laugh escapes his mouth. Yamaguchi takes a handful of Tsukishima's hair, and he cops a feel of Tsukishima's back.

The lights are turned off. They squish themselves together, Tsukishima spooning Yamaguchi on Yachi's couch. This time, they take the opportunity to talk.

“Remember when you asked me if I saw myself leading the team?”

“Yeah,” says Yamaguchi, soft, while Tsukishima caresses his arm. He does remember that time after practice when he asked Tsukishima, “Can you see yourself leading the team, Tsukki?”

“I never really thanked you for that. Not verbally. Now—I guess—would be a good time.” He kisses the back of Yamaguchi's neck. “Thank you, Tadashi.”

“No problem.” Yamaguchi is unable to hide his grin.

“You smell fucking good.” Tsukishima sniffs Yamaguchi around his shoulder, and the back of his shirt. “Like strawberries.”

Yamaguchi hums in return, giving Tsukishima's hand a tighter grip. He knows he has to ask the dreaded question now.

“Are we gonna make this work?”

Yamaguchi is afraid of the answer, how uncertain anything would be in practice.

“We will. I promise.”

Tsukishima can't say anything else but that.

“So do I. I promise, Tsukki.”

What else is there to say?

The next day starts out awkward. Yamaguchi releases himself from Tsukishima and stands up. He sees Yachi sitting on the stool by her kitchen counter. He smiles, and she smiles. Tsukishima doesn't realize that she's there, so when he wakes and stands up, he kisses Yamaguchi, diving his tongue right away.

From Yachi comes a shriek. She covers her face, though still peaks through her fingers. “Please stop.”

Tsukishima's eyes widen. He double takes to Yachi, and he lets go of Yamaguchi. Slowly, he distances himself. He moonwalks, turns, and puts on his usual face.

“Sorry, Yachi,” Yamaaguchi says.

“Yes. Sorry,” Tsukishima says, holding the bridge of his glasses.

To make it up to her, Tsukishima makes everyone pancakes. While he cooks, they ask him about the internship, why he isn't there right now, or last night, “I was there yesterday. But I did extra hours during other days, so.” He smiles and pours pancake batter onto the pan. “Plus there's a doctor there who's good at making excuses for me.”

Tsukishima tells them both all about Dr. Sugawara Koushi. Both Yamaguchi and Yachi react with open mouths and eyes full of wonder.

“Let's have lunch one of these days,” says Tsukishima. “It's the right thing to do, I guess...For not going to Hinata's—whatever the fuck that was.”

“Mm.” Yamaguchi nods and smiles. “Sounds nice, Tsukki.”

“Shouyou-chan will be very please,” says Yachi.

“It wouldn't be for him..”

“Aw, Tsukki, don't be mean.”

“Whatever.”

Later in the day, Yachi has to leave and of course, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are not allowed to stay at her apartment. The two of them talk it out more outside. The issue of living together comes up, and is set aside for now. “Let's not rush things,” says Yamaguchi. Tsukishima agrees, though he honestly cannot wait for them to sleep on the same bed again.

They sit at a cafe, with little space between them on the couch. What they do, for the next few hours, is hash out every other issue they came across: what things they fought about, what things they should remember so as not to cloud their judgment of each other.

Tsukishima will be going to the hospital in the night, so they have to separate eventually.

“See you tomorrow?” says Yamaguchi, as they stand on the sidewalk.

“Yes,” nods Tsukishima.

They part ways feeling like their bodies are filled with cotton. This time around, they know they won't muck anything up. They won't go home together, but that doesn't change what they mean to one another.

That day, Tsukishima works with a smile on his face, and Suga asks him, “You made up, didn't you?”

That day, Yamaguchi fills out some forms in his apartment, and he does some work on his computer. Tomorrow, he'll be occupied again at the observatory, but today, he gets his version of rest.

The next time they fall asleep, Yamaguchi in the evening, Tsukishima after work, both do so more soundly than they ever have for more than a year.

 

**the end.**


End file.
